I have an EXTREMELY strong willed six year old. She's been this way since the first day of her life. She lifted her head up, when Gradpa Larry held her for the first time, looked around and then relaxed her little head on his shoulder and took a snooze. Also, if you weren't fast enough with her baba, she'd let you know by taking a few gulps first. Then stop, grumble grumble at you. Followed by another few gulps. Then, just to make sure you received her message, she'd stop mid way thru, look at you and grumble some more. At the time, we found it amusing and "isn't it adorable?" but looking back, we had no clue what a roller coaster of an adventure she would take us on.
This year Ellie is entering kindergarten. Because she is six (she has a mid summer birthday) the school found it odd that we were requesting she be placed in kindergarten instead of in first grade. So, they had to evaluate her and then have a meeting with us to decide if she would be the oldest in her class vs. being (one of) the youngest in her class. Her summer school teacher was the one who had evaluated her. She and Ellie do not have a very good relationship. It has been very frustrating to see and hear my little girl say she hates school and is afraid of her teacher. Let me back up. Upon meeting a teacher, Ellie is the type of kid who tests her boundaries. She is also the type of kid that when nervous, scared, or embarressed, she has a hard time expressing those emotions. Instead she gets frustrated and angry. We are working with her on how to verbalize her feelings when she is feeling anything negative. Which, I feel has helped. She has matured so much this past school year. But because her teacher is strong willed herself, she has bumped heads with Ellie. Example: in trying to get my kids to try different foods, I had asked that they be given the lunch that the school provides. I also told the teacher that I had packed a lunch with what I know she will eat, in case she refused what was being served. Upon picking her up, Ellie let me know that her teacher made her eat a green bean and that she was going to miss play time because she cried and refused. Because of other past incidents with this particular teacher, I felt that she was and is signaling Ellie out, "she gave me a look" or "she refused to sit on the rug" have been this teacher's past complaints. Well, the Mama Bear wanted to come out and defend my child because that is not what I had asked her to do. Instead of going down and taking this gal down, I had Chris talk with her. She said she had made a "deal" with Ellie to eat a green bean. Ellie is extremely picky and has NEVER tasted a green bean (my kids are very picky eaters!) but said she would. But then upon smelling the green bean, she refused and threw it on the floor and cried. Her teacher made her pick it up, throw it in the garbage (which, I'm glad because that is unacceptable behavior) and made her try another. Ellie, gagging, took a small bite and refused to eat more. Her teacher said she reneged on the deal and would miss ten minutes of play time the next day because she needs to learn there are consequences in life. So, at this meeting, she said that Ellie, although she has a wonderful heart and is extremely bright, she is a very strong willed child (that she doesn't envy us having her as our child), she is manipulative, is at kindergarten level and is not emotionally ready for first grade. Wait, what?? I get she is strong willed because she is. I'm aware she's at kindergarten level because she's never been in kindergarten, and I know she is not emotionally ready for first grade, that is why we decided NOT to enroll her in kindergarten last year. But manipulative?? C'mon. Maybe her teacher phrased her sentence wrong. So, I'm giving her a free pass. But the comment, " I don't envy you having a strong willed child" just. chaps. my. ass. to put it bluntly. I am proud to have a strong willed child. Sure, she can be a challenge and be very stubborn at times. But at the tender age of six, she has integrity, determination, and has her own viewpoints. She has big, passionate feelings that sometimes come across as being over dramatic or strong willed. But she knows who she is and what she wants. She defends her little brother and others if she feels there is being an injustice. She is confident in her own skin. She is not shy nor afraid to speak her own mind.
Yesterday, we were having lunch at McDonalds, I swear, we do not eat there every day! Anyway, there was this eccentric looking older man, he wore a red, beat up knit skater hat, a long sleeved green t-shirt, and long black shorts. He was sitting across from me. And he had a notebook that he was doodling in. He quickly gets up, runs out and is taking pictures of the sky. Then he whips out a harmonica and starts to play. When we had walked in and took our seats, I noticed that there were a bunch of teenage boys, who kept looking at this gentleman. They would look at him and snicker amongst themselves. When he went out, they followed him, making fun of him and laughing behind his back. It was very disturbing. I had overheard this woman comment on how these kids were making fun of this man and I thought, why isn't anybody doing something about it? Don't get me wrong, theses kids weren't being physical. They were basically little cowards because they were doing all of the making fun behind his back. What really upset me was when this man went into the restroom, this kid who must have been fifteen (and old enough to know better) made the comment to his buddies, that one of them ought to go into the bathroom and say something about his awful music, something to that effect. At that moment, I looked at this kid and said not to dare, then I gave a lecture and went and got the manager. That kid left but the others stuck around a while before finally leaving. When we left, Ellie asked why I yelled at that boy. And I explained how it's wrong to treat others badly and those boys were making fun of this man because he was different. And it would be worse to just sit there and do nothing about it. So, I had to speak up. My mom says that I was a very strong willed child. Guess Ellie is very much like her mama.
I want all of my children to be (respectably) strong willed. To always speak their mind. To never be intimidated. To know what they want, go after it and get it. To never be a victim. To stand up for others and not be afraid to say NO to strangers or cave in to peer pressure from so called friends. To be a leader vs. a follower. Right now, there's no denying that it can be frustrating raising a strong willed child who knows what she wants and has her own viewpoints in life. But it's our job to guide and teach her how to use her "super powers" for good vs. evil. Because in my eyes, she is our Super Girl and is capable of so many, many wonderful things. To break her spirit would be an injustice to the world. God bless the strong willed child and we are proud and delighted to have one..two...or three. And who knows, maybe even four, some day.
So there, Mrs. Summer School teacher. I'm glad you retired.
