hhhha-vier

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. I remember the first time the topic of getting married and

having children came up. You were in the back of the suburban, asking

how daddy and I met, "and then you got married? And then you had me?"

"Yes, yes," I explained how we met. How long we dated. How daddy

asked me to marry him and why I said yes. I started to explain the type of 

qualities you want to look for in a man. But before I could even begin,

you stopped me dead in my tracks with your, "I'm NOT going to get

married. And I'm not going to have a baby." This topic would arise

from time to time over the past two years. Always the same response,

you are NOT going to get married and you are NOT going to have

children. 

You are six years old and in kindergarten. You've been making

new friends and are constantly talking about them, one in 

particular. Javier. At first, I joked to daddy, when I mentioned

this "Javier" that "his name is probably Billy and she decided 

that Javier sounded better." I would hear how you two 

would play during recess and what a good friend he is.

About a week before Christmas, you and I bumped into

Javier and his mom. He was all dressed up and getting his

Christmas picture taken. You introduced your mother to him,

all proud. He acted shy. You were a little forward. I was

a little concerned. You made me giggle. I teased you on 

the way home, "sooooo, HHHHHavier, huh? He's

a little cutie. Is he nice?"

"MOMMMMM! (you sound a little irritated) He's my friend.

 He's nice to me and I'm nice to him."

Remembering what you had said to a friend (about

kissing a certain boy), I decided to remind you

that you are way too young to have a boyfriend

and no hugging or kissing. You became embarrassed

and had to remind me that you are NOT getting married

or having children. Ever. To which, I quickly asked,

"not even if HHHHHavier were to ask you???"

"Alright, alright….maaaayybe if Javier asked me."

I died.

On the first day back, after your Christmas break, I'm 

waiting for you to come out. As you walk towards me,

I notice that your coat is not zipped all the way and that it's

slightly open. You stop, right in front of me, with the biggest

smile on your face and you gush out, "mama, look what

Javier gave me-for being a really good friend."

And I see a necklace. I'm a little surprised.

"oh, my!" I say, "what a beautiful necklace. Does his

mother know he gave this to you??? Maybe it belongs to

her and he just took it?? Perhaps, you better ask him? Perhaps,

I should ask her??" 

"mommmmm, he made me this necklace (getting a better look, I can

see it's a little charm on streatchy string), you state as you

take my hand and walk towards the suburban. 

As I get behind the wheel, you also inform me that 

this summer, you are suppose to meet Jake at the 

Children's Museum.

Is it starting already? This being interested in boys?

You're only six…not sixteen. And I'm

not ready. I want to encourage you to

always come to me and talk about

EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. But I'm not

ready for you to talk about crushes. Thankfully, I

don't think we're quite there, yet. But

I continue to ask 100 questions because I'm curious and

you're my little girl and a boy gave you a 

necklace. And I can mentally see myself questioning this six

year old boy: "So, Javier….what are your intentions???"

Daddy giggled and acted quite surprised. Tita asked, when

I phoned her, if he was Mexican because…well, there

aren't many up here.

I'm giggling also because, whether you know it or

not…you're not going to be dating until your way

over thirty.

this is one of my favorite pictures of you
I can start to see the little lady you are
becoming